One Day at the Fair
by Lain of the Weird
Summary: A gift for Ann, because I love her. She asked for a Yuriku, but gave no outside specifications. This is a far cry from what you think it is...


A/N: This is a bribe that I owe Ann. One dose of comic Yuriku. Love you Ann. Please don't hurt me… Also, I feel mildly obligated to apologize for any severe OOCness that occurs. Riku can be such a bastard to write.

Disclaimer: Don't own anyone or anything you recognize. Sorry. Also, this story really is not for Yuna lovers. Anywho. And Riku's thoughts on gay men are not mine. So don't get on my ass about it, or any thing I screw up pertaining to paintball. Never seen it played before.

If someone had told the pale haired junior on his first day at his new transfer school, that a girlfriend was a pain in the ass, he would have laughed. Laughed until he was rolling around like a loon, probably in the middle of the hall. And the girls would just stop and smile at him as he lay there on the cold linoleum, laughing until his ribs ached. Because that was what girls did. They watched, and waited, fishing in the ocean of a public high school for something. For love, for a quickie, or for friendship.

And he was disgusted with himself for allowing a girl, any girl, to hook him and reel him in like some sort of fish. Wet, slimy, bug eyed _fish_. Ew. Riku Tamaki was not a fish to be caught. He did the fishing, was a picky bastard about who he caught and how long he held them, and then tossed them back in. And he enjoyed it.

So, it had come to him as a total shock, when the faerie like brunette had stopped him between his English class and Math, looked him right in the eye, and announced, "I want you to be my boyfriend." Proclamation made, she had pulled off her class ring, set with a blue stone, and slid it onto his hand. She had smiled up at him and dragged him to his math class, depositing him there and walking off, hips swaying in the fashion of a true slut.

So here he was, Riku the lady killer, being dragged around by a rich little bint who just HAD to go to a fucking amusement park today with her brand new 'boyfriend'. Stupid bitch. Not that he had anything against dogs mind you, this girl just brought the phrase 'bitch in a heat' to mind, and frankly, it scared the shit out of him. A high pitched giggle cuts through his musings, with all the cuteness of nails on a chalkboard.

"Oh Rikubabydolliekins!" She calls from where she's standing, hands on the hips of her very low rise jeans, "I left my wallet at home, could you cover for me?" She winks, scrunching her face into a grotesque expression. He thought it was an improvement.

"Don't call me that, Yuna." He growls, pulling out a crumpled ten and throwing it at the clerk with unnecessary vigor.

"Aw, baby doll! Don't say that, you know you love it." She tries to purr, and it comes out as a growl.

Riku glares at her, but it slides off the girl, and she tows him away from the paintball area to a carousel. "No fucking way, Yuna." Carousels were for pussies, gay men, and little girls. He wasn't any of those. Besides – the paintball course was calling his name, tempting as any siren's song.

Her policolored gaze is almost enough to peel paint. "You saying you want to end this, pretty boy?"

"Yeah. I am. Fuck you, Yuna." He turns to go, but nude polished fingernails bite into his arm, restraining him. "God damn it." That probably drew blood. "What the hell do you want?"

Yuna smirks, "I want my ring back, babe."

"Fine." He growls, twisting the band on his finger. The fucking thing wouldn't come off, and he feels his cheeks flush as he struggles with the infernal thing. "Fuck. No way. No fucking way."

"Yes fucking way. You're staying with me until I get my ring back, honey bunches of oats." Her ultimatum delivered, she grabs him and drags him over to the carousel, more or less throwing him onto a pink flamingo and climbing up behind him, latching him in place with her scrawny, but strong arms. He shudders, completely repulsed by her touch.

As the ride starts, he mentally takes back his thoughts about gay men riding these things. Even homos had more taste than to straddle an ugly pink chocobo wanna-be. The music starts, and the ride picks up speed, moving in ever faster circles. He clenches his eyes shut and holds on for what he considers to be dear life.

He's doing rather well until long painted fingernails begin moving around his stomach, and lower. Ew. This had to qualify as sexual harassment. He was going to need years to recover from this bitch and her wandering hands and ohmygodwhatthehell'sshedoingdon'ttouchmethere!

He lets out a shriek and throws himself away from the hands that were trying to negotiate under the waistband of both his pants and boxers. This shit is /so/ not cool. Of course, in his panic, he had overlooked a minor detail: when someone is holding onto your waist, throwing yourself off a carousel five feet off the ground is not going to separate you from your molester. Rather, she will be dragged down with you, and land on top of you, squishing the breath out of your lungs.

A rather irate looking security guard approaches the couple, and Riku's fight or flight instincts kick in, sending him virtually flying over the fence separating the crowd of people from the ride, and dashing away as fast as he can, jumping over some obstacles, and bowling over those that he can't avoid. Self preservation is a powerful reflex, one to be obeyed without questioning or thinking.

He slows to a trot, muscles protesting against this abuse. While not out of shape, sprinting had never quite been his strong point. He continues jogging, until a figure pops out from behind a hedge, pointing a semi automatic rifle right between his eyes.

"Gotcha!" The person, gender indeterminate, squints dark brown eyes, peering through the sighting on the weapon. "If you value your life-"

Riku doesn't bother listening to the rest of the threat, a slutty perfume was in the air, and that meant that the killer bitch molester of hot innocent boys was coming. Therefore he does the only logical thing, which is diving behind the kid's cover of bushes. The youth looks puzzled, but slips behind the cover, resting the paintball gun on his knees with a grin. "So, who you hiding from?" She chirps, pushing a lock of black hair out of wickedly glittering eyes.

Riku gives the girl a disgruntled look. "What'd make you think that?"

The girl begins reloading her rifle with small paint filled pellets, not bothering to meet Riku's eyes. "Well, between the fact that you hid when you got a whiff of L'eau de Skank, the class ring on your finger that has Yuna Serran engraved on it, your pants being half unbuttoned, and my witnessing you being forced into a relationship with her between classes, I'd say it's a pretty safe bet, wouldn't you?" She grins again, revealing a chipped front tooth.

Riku blinks, trying to absorb the girl's amused monologue. "You know Yuna Serran?" He raises an eyebrow. "You don't seem her type."

She laughs, making a little wooshing gesture with gloved fingers. "Don't flatter me, you. I know enough about her, anyway. She hooked you with the ring trick, didn't she?"

"Hook line and sinker." Riku deadpans, holding up his hand with the accursed adornment.

"Poor sap." She pulls a small throwing star out of her belt and slices the silver coated aluminum, catching the broken accessory in her hand as it falls off only to drop it in the dirt. She stands, dusting the ass of her khaki shorts off and squishing the ring into the muddy ground. "My name's Yuffie." She offers Riku a hand up, "care to join me and my mates for a round of paintball?"

Riku is only too glad to agree.

Several hours later, only he and Yuffie are still scrambling around the obstacles, both completely covered in neon yellow paint, and having a blast. His green blue eyes stare down at her, waiting for her to finish reloading her rifle, before firing down at her.

"You bastard!" But she's laughing, flashing that childish grin, zigzagging around, trying to avoid the shots, paint splattering over her skin, hair and clothes.

Riku laughs at the younger girl's antics, hopping off the plastic and metal structure, hitting the ground with an 'oof' and rolling into a kneeling position, only to be hit square in the shoulder by one of Yuffie's paint bullet's, sending numbing tingles down his arm. "I'll show you a bastard…" he tosses his own gun down and tackles the smaller neon yellow girl, pinning her to the ground with one hand and tickling her furiously with the other.

She shrieks in response, flailing around beneath him, small fists trying to rain blows onto his shoulders, but with no real effort behind them. He continues tickling and she begins squeaking, a minor asthma asttack.

Riku sits back on her knees, wary. Yuffie merely tackles him and begins tickling back with equal vigor. He tries to hold it back, he really does, but her fingers prodding the soft sides of his stomach and under his arms is too much, and he laughs incessantly. It was euphoric, feeling this alive again.

A delicate cough distracts the two painted teens, and they turn as though used to being a comedy duo, meeting very pointy black high heeled boots, followed by painted on jeans, then a flat stomach, a tiny tube top, and the face of a truly enraged Yuna Serran.

"Get your grubby hands off my man, Yuffie Kisaragi!" She snarls, fingers twitching as though dying to carve her name into the younger girl's face with her bare fingernails.

Yuffie raises an eyebrow, not moving from where she's still half sprawled in Riku's lap. "Don't get your anal floss in a knot, Yuna." Her eyes are still glittering, but there's something lurking behind them now, something menacing, dangerous. A dangerous girl. And Riku decided that he liked it. A lot.

She continues, "You don't really give a damn about him, and he hates your pretty little bitch face, so why now just go find some nice dick to suck off?"

"That's pretty rich coming from you, Kisaragi." Yuna smirks, folding her arms over her chest. "You couldn't get any if you paid for it. I suppose even whores have standards."

"You're living proof that they don't." Yuffie stands, a small pistol in her hand, deathly calm. "You're really fucked up, you know that Yuna? First, you hit on me cause you think I'm a boy. When you find out I'm not, you try and get your little sluts to, what did they call it? Of course, kick my fucking ass. When that fails, you try and sleep with my best friends, and end up fucking raping them when they try and refuse." Her eyes harden. "Maybe it's time for you to get fucked over, a little karmatic kickback, let's call it." There's a click as the safety is released.

Yuna stands stock still, heavily made up eyes wide with shock. "You wouldn't dare." She whispers. "You don't have the balls."

Yuffie grins, gun arm rock steady. "Happens all the time in the papers, Sarren. Underdog gets tired of the shit end of the stick, and pops a couple caps into the collective ass of the world. Ever wondered what it would feel like to die like a commoner? Like the bitch you really are?"

Yuna stares at the smaller girl for a long moment, then turns and walks away with all due haste, leaving a very worried Riku behind.

Once Yuna's out of sight and out of scent, Yuffie folds into a ball, shoulders trembling. Riku crouches down beside her, trying to smooth her dark hair, but just adding more yellow to it. "You ok?"

"Ok!" Yuffie looks up, and just melts into a puddle of laughter. "I've been waiting fucking _years_ to do that!" She fumbles at the fire arm, and small brass pellets spill onto the dirt. "I threatened to kill Yuna Sarren with a fucking Beebee gun." She dissolves again, until eventually the laughter subsides. "Wanna go get some cotton candy?"

"Just a sec." Riku stares at his paint spattered boots, then grabs Yuffie's hand, "Yuffie, will you be my girlfriend?"

"Sure!" She bounces on her toes, and pulls Riku forward into a clumsy kiss, before pulling away and spitting. "Eug. You taste like paint."

Riku responds by crushing a paint capsule in his hand and rubbing the paint in her hair. "So do you." He starts forward, pulling his new friend along. "Now lets go get that cotton candy shit."


End file.
